Updates and the Secret to Getting Through Life with Cancer

     I know it's been a while since my last post but there has been a lot going on and frankly I've just been too tired and busy to write. We are down to our last Taxal treatment then we have 4 treatments of a harder drug that is given every 2 weeks. From everything the doctors tell us and everything I've read the 2 week treatments are much worse than the ones we've been getting. Great, as if basically having a toddler with pregnancy hormones going through menopause hasn't been fun enough. The past 3 months have been an exhausting roller coaster from hell and with them upping the steroids I fear it is only going to get worse. Mama is not a nice person with steroids in her system. But I will continue to be what I have been; the reassuring caregiver. Let me catch you up on what's happened since my last post, there have been a lot of new discoveries.
     Apparently. there is a rather common side effect to the Taxal treatment called Taxal Rash which is a non-contagious skin reaction that looks a lot like chicken pox and according to mama itches 100x worse, The only "treatment" is a alcohol based foam that takes the edge off the itching but does nothing for the breakouts or redness. That was discovered about a month ago. There is also a more dangerous side effect of the treatment and pain meds which is severe swelling. Discovering this was very scary because Mama's legs swelled up to 3x their normal size after round 8 of chemo and we had to go to the E.R to get checked for blood clots and risk of pulmonary embolism. Luckily all the scans and images came back clear but we did have to add another medication to the regiment to try and reduce the swelling some. Our "happiness" box is having trouble closing now I really hope we don't have to add any more meds. Mama is also now bedridden for the majority of the rest of the treatment because she over did herself and worsened the swelling on our trip to visit family that she requested. She says it was worth it I would strongly disagree. That trip was hard on me I know it had to be awful on her. During the trip I did discover my barely existent brain-to-mouth filter still works. I was really worried my thoughts were just gonna come right out and I was gonna have some very ticked off family members. I did have a few moments where I had to bite my cheek but I was mostly good.
     This past week was my spring break from school but none of it was a break at all. Mama asked me to pull our boat to my Peepaw's so the family can now use it and so she could see everyone. That turned the original 15 hour drive into a 18 hour drive and yes I was the only driver and yes it really did suck...a lot. We left Friday immediately after chemo got there late Saturday morning and started the return trip Wednesday. There was a lot of driving to visit or try and visit with everyone in between too. But it made Mama happy. She got to see the people she wanted to see. After this is all over I would love to have my own personal chauffeur for a year or maybe just drop me off on a small tropical island where I can walk or bike to get everything I need. I have driven somewhere everyday for the past 3 months, I'm tired of driving.
     Then we come to the rest of my life: school, friends, and my non-existent date life. School is going well and I have a great rapport with all of my professors. I will admit my accounting professor has gotten to where she asks "what time were you doing this problem?" when I ask for homework or quiz reviews. I have discovered that sleep deprived doing accounting work at 2am me has waaaay more difficulty than caffeine fueled midday problem solving me. Also, when making exam note cards do not allow sleep deprived reviewing at 3am me to convince you to not write something down because you'll remember it. You won't and you'll be looking at your note card during that exam like it's written in another language you don't know but are still trying to translate. My professor actually made notes on my exam about the looks I was giving my note card, so not funny.
     My friends, thank god for my friends. I am certain all of this would have driven my completely insane by now if it wasn't for them (yes I know it's a short drive). They give me the dose of normalcy I lack from everything else. They don't give me the "I don't know how you do it" or "I'm sorry" that everyone else does. They jump in the car to join us on our late night trips to satisfy Mama's cravings. We still get late night tacos and watch movies. But most importantly they don't act like this is the worst thing in the world and nothing else can be talked about. They treat me like I'm still me not like I'm only the caregiver, or the shrink, or the victim. They remind me I'm still here and that cancer hasn't completely changed everything just most things.
     So for those who ask "how do you do it?" the answer is not simple. I take it day by day. I cry. I laugh. I love on my dog. I hug my friends. I listen to everyone else's problems. I look for something good in what sometimes feels like a sea of bad things. I refuse to give up hope. I get reminded I'm only one person. I make other people feel better. I do what needs to be done. I do it by being who I am. There is no secret of how to get through this you just have to take what comes at you and focus on getting through what ever trial is in front of you at that moment.
     We are almost done with chemo, yay! And now you are up to date on life with cancer so far. We meet with the surgeon tomorrow to update her on our progress and talk more in depth about the mastectomy and it's details and timeline.

TTYS,

Aleena