I Need It and Someone Else May Too

     I’ve written about a lot of different things on this blog and I realize there isn’t really an “about me” or “what is this” section, so I’m gonna change that. What is this Blog:
     Welcome to Cancer Through the Eyes of the Fighter’s Daughter! I chose to make this blog because I’m better at writing how I feel and see things than I am at saying it. I also needed an outlet to express myself without care of judgment or feeling like I’m adding to an already heavy burden. My hope is that maybe some day a girl unfortunately in a situation similar to my own will read this and maybe just maybe not feel so alone or crazy. I write because there are some days the idea that maybe I’m not the only twenty-something struggling with this gives me hope. We all need hope. Since starting the blog, I have found some survivors and even people outside the fight against cancer find comfort or insight they didn’t have before. That inspires me to keep writing. I write because I’m not “just twenty-three” *insert eye roll here*. I’m human. I feel things. I care about the world I live in and hope everyday to make it a better place by doing something. It may just be this blog keeping someone from going over the edge. If so I may never know and that’s okay.  There have been a couple times I’ve been on my own edge and had someone or something pull me back. This journey called life is stressful and when cancer chooses to join you that journey gets down right hard. I want people to know it’s okay to feel the struggle and express those feelings. I want people to see that even though I’m strong there are moments I’m extremely weak. I want people to see what I see on this journey.
     This blog is meant as a beacon in the dark to those on the journey. I know the road Cancer drives people down. I walk (or sometimes crawl) it next to you. You are not alone. You are not crazy or weak for feeling how you feel. If you are doing this journey on your own, you are a superhero and I am here to support you. If you have a support team helping you, I’m happy to join the peanut gallery. If you are the caregiver or loved one, you’re struggle is just as important as the fighter’s. I feel your pain. The journey is long and exhausting. There may be times you don’t think you can make it. You can. I may not even know you but I support your fight and believe in the fire in your soul. You can get through this. We all need a little extra support sometimes. I’m happy to be a listening ear or a word of encouragement if you need it. I’m only a message away.

TTYS,

Aleena

Empathy: What the World Needs

     Being what everyone else needs can be an amazing thing. There are days where I feel invincible, like there is no problem I can’t solve. Then there are days where I just don’t want to get out of bed because I feel utterly drained and the idea of dealing with people makes my whole being ache. These are the highs and lows of being an Empath. I feel the world and that helps me change it.
     Today I don’t feel on top of the world; today I don’t want to be what the rest of the world needs. Doing the Celebrate YOUR Life event took a lot out of me and I haven’t really been able to recover because I’ve been trying to get the rest of life back in order. This weekend I just couldn’t keep going. I’ve hidden in the darkness of my room making as little human contact as possible. Why? Being what makes everyone else happy is hard and I’m tired.
     I can make people feel at ease just by walking in a room. I can make people laugh and smile when they feel like crying. I can help people work through the turmoil in their minds. I can take the edge off someone’s pain just by hugging them. Complete strangers trust me. People I’ve never met before feel safe enough to tell me their life stories. The hardest of masks crack and let the tears flow through because I’m there. The darkest of secrets are shared without request.  Why? Because I’m an empath and people are drawn to the healing that having an empath can provide. It’s a one way street. I don’t just listen, I feel. I absorb. I feel the emotions of others as if they were my own. I walk into a room and feel the energy that everyone in it puts off. I help people feel better because I take whatever burdened them. It’s wonderful and awful at the same time. I enjoy making others feel better but it wears me down. I have to find outlets for the extra emotions I collect. Sometimes I just can’t keep going.
    There are times where I absolutely love being able to do all those things. It makes some parts of life easier. Other times, like today, I wish I could give the job to someone else. Being the one to make everyone else happy and keep the world running means there’s not always someone there for me. When I’m completely drained and exhausted in every way I think there is possible I want to isolate but I don’t want to be alone. I’m human. I want nothing and everything at the same time. When you’ve collected the burdens of all those around you where do you lay your burden when it gets too heavy? On the ground next to you. You’ll pick it up after you rest. It may take a day or two.
    Don’t worry I’ll be back to my chipper life saving self soon. The world keeps turning therefore I must keep going. I just want the world to know we aren’t all perfect. We aren’t all happy, laughing, optimistic wonder women all the time. Even those who make the world a better place need someone to make their world a better place from time to time. We all need each other so remember to treat others as you wish to be treated. You could be what that person needs today.

TTYS,

Aleena

Celebrate YOUR Life

     Ever had a conversation with someone that shaped who you wanted to be as a person? Ever had it end in a promise? At 5 years old I had such a conversation with the woman I describe as the pillar of my soul. Minnie Ruth Fields, my Meemaw, was a woman of wisdom, faith, and straight forward conversations. She’s half the genes I get my missing brain to mouth filter and stubbornness from. The other half is my great granny and she’s the same kind of woman too. I love and admire those two more than anything in this world. If you met them you’d understand. But anyway, at 5 years old I sat on my Meemaw’s lap as she told me the truth about the world and it led to the life changing event that happened August 3,2018. Here’s what she said:
     “The world isn’t full of nice people. Not everyone is gonna care about others. The world is a hard place to live and a lot of people don’t have hope or faith anymore. There aren’t many people able to change the world for the better anymore. You’re gonna be one of those people. You’re going to make the world a better place. It’s not gonna be easy. Remember to always treat others as you wish to be treated. Don’t you ever stop being loving, and kind, and caring. No matter how mean or nasty or hurtful everyone else is. You’re gonna make a difference, you’re gonna be what I couldn’t. Promise me. Promise me you’ll make the world a better place.”
     That day I made her that promise and on Friday August 3, 2018 I succeeded in keeping that promise. After over a year of planning I helped give back to 60 cancer survivors and their families. We made women who no longer felt attractive feel beautiful again. We gave the husbands, wives, girlfriends, brothers, sisters, friends, and children of those survivors the smiles and people back that they’d been missing. You guys, I got to watch my mama feel beautiful again. She smiled and laughed and enjoyed herself for more than just a few minutes. She did it for a whole day! That hasn’t happened in almost 2 years. It was beautiful. The survivors were beautiful. It was so very imperfectly perfect that it wasn’t pretty but it was beautiful.
     Putting something like that together is hard work. And on the day of, trying to keep the chaos moving in the direction we wanted it to go kept me on my feet and moving non-stop. I didn’t take the time to stop and take pictures but I did take the time to talk with some of the survivors. They changed my life. I had gotten to know a few from previous survivor events and others from helping them with their dress fittings. I actually even got to “assist” with the portrait session of one the survivors I had gotten to know previously. We had to have a heart to heart talk. She’s a stunningly gorgeous soul, the fact that she survived cancer and still looks like that would make your jaw drop. She can’t see anything but the scars and what-if comparisons. I wanted her to see what I see. Y’all I admitted to a woman twice my age, that survived cancer, that I wished I looked like her and she laughed at me. I was serious! So the whole time she had her session I stood behind Gail, the photographer who’s dream made the whole event happen, and made faces to get her to laugh so she wouldn’t feel self-conscious. It made my heart happy to do it.
     After it was all said and done I had more survivors hug me and thank me than I could count. I hugged each and every one back and thanked them for making it possible. If only they could understand they were making an even bigger difference than we were.
     To have been able to make something with such an astonishingly positive affect on so many people from something that has negatively impacted my life for so long was surreal. I honestly don’t know if I can put into words how I feel. I feel it in my soul. It’s big and it’s wonderful and I know my Meemaw would be proud. I got to share it with people I love. I also got to share it with people who care as much as I do, I really didn’t think there were so many of us out there. We all came together and made the world a better place. We changed lives and we get to do it all again next year! Oh yeah, did I forget to mention Celebrate YOUR Life is becoming a 501c nonprofit? Go big or go home, right. I feel abundantly grateful to have been able to keep my promise, make someone’s dream come true, and have so many people step-up and change the world. It may sound crazy but I think cancer has helped me find my calling.

TTYS,

Aleena